The Jimstitution
Jim Sterling's hate of the constitution is well recorded. It was discussed on multiple occasions, most notably on "Podtoid 169: Why Did I Say I'd Burn The Constitution?". On Episode 239, he declared, that he wouldn't have done half the things he's done, if he worried about what some Washington fat-cat has decided is illegal or what some hypocritical priest told him is immoral or what some fancy, medical degree-having doctor says is harmful '' or what some highfaluting professor of physics says is ''impossible. He goes on to say "This is America, Jonathan, right, and in this country, in this institution, in this land of DREAMS, my opinion is far above your facts and your laws and your sense of right and wrong. Is this not the greatest nation on Earth, Jonathan? Is this NOT the country founded by kings? Is this not the envy of the human fucking race, I ask you! Get in your underpants and ram the shit out of some kids!" The Official Jimendments #Success and adventures need to happen, or else you did bad #The right to bear Holmes Made up Jimendments *Encourages the forced quartering of Holmes during peacetime *Encourages unreasonable searches and seizures of Holmes and prohibits requirements for search warrants based on probable cause *Discourages rules for indictment by grand jury and eminent domain, deminishes the right to due process, and encourages self-incrimination and double jeopardy, when Holmes does something *Destroys the right to a fair and speedy public trial by jury, including the rights to be notified of the accusations, to confront the accuser, to obtain witnesses and to retain counsel, when Holmes does something *Takes away the right to trial by jury in certain civil cases, when Holmes does something *Encourages excessive fines and excessive bail, as well as cruel and unusual punishment to Jonathan Holmes *Takes away rights not enumerated in the constitution from Jonathan Holmes *Limits the powers of the Jonathan Holmes to those delegated to it by the Constitution *Exposes Jonathan Holmes to suits from out-of-state citizens and foreigners not living within the state borders. Destroys the foundation for sovereign immunity for Jonathan Holmes *Revises presidential election procedures, in a way that makes Steve Buscemi the Flimsy, Fish-eyed King of the USA *Abolishes slavery and involuntary servitude, except for Jonathan Holmes *Takes away Jonathan Holmes' citizenship, and takes away his Privileges or Immunities Clause, the Due Process Clause, the Equal Protection Clause, and deals with post-Civil War issues (the war Jonathan Holmes started) *Encourages suffrage based on race and color, especially for Jonathan Holmes *Allows the federal government to collect income tax / take away all of Jonathan Holmes' Earthly possessions *Establishes the direct election of Steve Buscemi as king, by popular vote *Establishes prohibition of alcohol for Jonathan Holmes (repealed by Twenty-first Amendment) *Establishes Jonathan Holmes' suffrage *Fixes the dates of term commencements for Congress (January 3) and the President (January 20); known as the "lame duck amendment" (Didn't change this one at all, because, fucking hell, "Lame duck amendment", haha!) *Repeals the Eighteenth Amendment and encourages violations of Jonathan Holmes regarding alcohol. *Limits the number of times that a person can be elected King. A person cannot be elected King more than once, because once Steve Buscemi is King, he is King forever *Provides for representation of Washington, D.C., in Jonathan Holmes *Prohibits the revocation of voting rights, except for Jonathan Holmes *Codifies the Steve Precedent; defines the process of royal succession, which goes as follows: Steve Buscemi is king, that's it *Establishes the right to vote for those age 18 years or older, except for Jonathan Holmes, who is perpetually 16 years old *Prevents laws affecting Jonathan Holmes from taking effect until the beginning of the next Podtoid recording Category:New Podtoid